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samileigh

happiness is relative

When a good friend said happiness is relative to me recently, I thought “of course it is, duh”. Everyone knows that what makes me happy doesn’t necessarily make others happy. But this was not what she meant… exactly. She meant everyone’s perception of how to classify happiness is different.


Let me explain.


If a child grows up in a home with parents that experience extreme struggles in addition to arguing and screaming all the time but still manage to stay together and find joy… they may perceive that as happiness. Happiness, for them, is fighting it out and then moving on. Thus, they set their own expectations of happiness based on the ability to withstand the drama and pain that are a natural (from their point of view) part of life. However, if a child grows up in a household where arguing and screaming are not tolerated and instead you sit and talk about your problems, then their expectation of happiness is based on peace. Happiness, for them, is being able to listen, talk and work things out without raising your voice. Thus, they set their expectations of happiness on the absence of screaming and arguing.


The one individual is happy when they are able to withstand the drama, but for the other individual, the presence of drama prevents happiness. It’s not that they require different things to be happy… per se. It’s that their happiness is based on two completely different scales.


The point?


For me, is not to judge another person’s ability to be happy based on my personal scale. And, just because their scale is different doesn’t make it wrong. It’s based on their experiences, their relationships and their life.


Furthermore, I may not agree with their point of reference but I should always respect it.


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